I'm 48 and I have a niece (my wife's brother's daughter) who was 18 when this all happened about 2 years go. She is beautiful. If I understand what is being said by my in-laws, I was caught staring at her crotch, and caught staring at her crotch once when she was walking up a flight of stairs.

It's hard to explain what happened, except that at a family function, several people yelled at me loudly about how inappropriate it is for people to........" They didn't even say it was me they were talking about, or the specifics, but the sense I got is that several of them, (her father, my wife's sister and her husband) talked about it at length and decided to do something about it. They got their point across.

My problem is that I think it's hypocritical, for one thing. My wife's sisters husband (I'll call him K) and her own father have both made comments about my niece's developing body that obviously made her uncomfortable.

K made comments about her body while pulling on her bra strap, and also pulled on her panties hard enough to cause her pain (I wasn't there to see it). She laughed it off, but later publicly told him it hurt her (I was there for that). K is the type to make inappropriate comments about women and sex in public. I remember him saying something loudly in mixed company about women and flutes and band camp. And about "Hummers" (it has to do with oral sex).

K approached me a few times and made comments like "you know she's my niece, and your niece" and basically tried to shame me in a way that was very dismissive and smug.

I'm tempted to write K a letter and tell him how inappropriate it is for him to pull on our niece's panties, and that I would appreciate it if he would stop.

So, I'm coming clean about my staring, but dang, she is beautiful. And I have been doing a lot better. I'm just tired of being seen as the bad guy, when it's obvious I'm not the only one with an issue.

It's definitely made me want to avoid my in-laws, and they're acting all like "what's his issue?" when I tell my wife I'm really not all the excited about spending time with them.

It's been hard to talk to my wife about this. She was there when this all blew up. But, she hasn't said anything about it. I think I'll print off this post and show it to her.