Quote:
Originally Posted by SarahSweden
Why did this T change boundaries or perhaps you werenīt told why?
I can relate to this a bit because my T in a way also suddenly got the thought about changing boundaries and she let me down by doing so. In my case I sent her e-mails between the sessions and after some time I think she regretted sheīd let me. But! She of course never told me, she just ignored the last couple of e-mails I sent to her and she left me feeling stupid when she hadnīt read them although she said she would.
Many T:s just hide behind their role as a T, everything can be excused because of something you as a client canīt understand. That is, they create their own rules and way of acting and then just refers to some standard in how their work should be done.
They donīt treat clients as humans and definately not humans who seek their help.
QUOTE=musinglizzy;4537255]Yeah, I'm a poster child for those clients Puzzlebug speaks of.... in fact, the title of this thread, I've said that very same thing. I'm REALLY trying to work through it, but I definitely learned how damaging a therapist suddenly changing boundaries can be. Then to let me find out on my own.
For three months after that, two sessions per week, there was NO therapy. I shut down. I'm still very hurt by it, and not as trusting, but we are slowly integrating therapy back in again. But....I don't think I will be able to trust her like I did before. I'm constantly scanning the horizon so to speak, anticipating something else changing. Is it healthy? Probably not. But I'm notorious for feeling defeated and giving up in life...and after the amount of time I have in with this therapist, I am trying not to let myself give up too easily. That's my MO. And even though she hurt me, somehow I still have a glimmer of hope.... although I really do miss the connection I felt with her before. I hope I can find it again. Attachment, yeah, I have that.... but still working on connection. I trusted her somehow to be the one person in my life who wouldn't hurt me, and she hurt me considerably.
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I wish I knew why, because I'd love to know what NOT to do. I was having a hard time with trust, and my T started making a habit of sitting by me, even holding me while I cried. I learned to appreciate that. Then it was gone after 4 months, as quick as it started....but it took me awhile to realize she wasn't offering that anymore. When I questioned her about it she said that was not her modality, but she knew I was in a very dark place and very alone, and she strayed from what is her modality to help me through that, and to help gain my trust. Well, my trust was definitely damaged by something she did to gain it in the first place. My upset doesn't come from her taking away this action, it's due to the fact she didn't talk to me about it. So, knowing she can up and change things whenever she feels like it leaves me spending more time in therapy watching for something changing or being taken away, rather than therapy itself. Because I know she's capable of changing boundaries without even letting me know. I've been told by numerous people that it seems like, based on my story, she found herself too attached, realized it and backed off. She was going through a rough time herself in her own life, and was pretty vulnerable herself I'm sure. That does make sense, because I can't see a T admitting that to a client. But I also disclosed some displeasure around the same time.... the issue going on in her life was trickling into my therapy a great deal and I was having a hard time with that.
Thinking back to who or what I was back in February when the boundary changed, and looking at myself now, I'm in a far worse place now than I was then. I've found myself regretting that disclosure, I've even found myself regretting letting her touch me at all. I told her had I known it was temporary and she'd be taking it away, I never would have let her do it to begin with.
I'm fighting hard to try to get past this and focus on therapy, she was perfect for me until this happened, we worked very well together, and I feel attached to her, regardless of the hurt and lack of complete trust I feel. I just keep thinking, if I work hard enough at it, I can move beyond this and continue this journey with her. Because really, that's what I want.