Hi all so I'm wondering why I feel a desire at times that I would like to be schizophrenic locked-in inside my mind. And what to do about it. (I know this may sound strange, yes.)

When I feel this desire, I also start seeing random negative images overlaying physically visible reality that I normally see with my two eyes. And, weirdly enough, it's like, it feels so so addictive good for a bit, then it goes away when I suddenly realize I don't want it that much after all.

It went away for a while for a few weeks this Spring. Then very recently I started feeling a stronger than ever pull towards this. I had a stronger version of overlaying too.

I mean, to me something only qualifies as a hallucination if what you are imagining does not go away when you actually directly look at the object. Well, that kinda happened now. Though not totally because I of course knew that it wasn't logical to see those things. So they did not feel fully real but...yeah, that was kinda a stronger effect than what I had before.

I did previously have two episodes that would qualify as at least a partial loss of connection with reality. For short times (for a few minutes) nearly full loss of it. Those happened about 2.5 and 3.5 years ago but they both had the same specific trigger that I will not allow to happen anymore.

Any thoughts? Thanks.