Hello,
My baby father gave me chest pain after he it my chest many times. Plus the wind got knocked out of me at one point. He has been abusing me for over 10 years. Over the years it got worse. He used to physically abuse me in the past but it got worse. He didn't mentally and emotionally abuse me as much before either. It still hurts a bit when I touch certain parts but it is not swollen anymore. Although, last night I felt a lump on one side. I am so so depressed and I am trying to be strong for my 4 kids but at times I just want to run and just keep running.
To add to the drama, my baby father is a cheat and liar. He has kids after and between my kids.
I just want to SCREAM!!!!
I have so much on my chest. I have no one to talk to. I have been isolated from my friends and family. The one time I go to my parents(at Christmas), he wants to take from me. He says I always leave him on the holidays(he does not celebrate it). He tries the guilt trip. And whenever I want him to spend time with him on any holiday, he is nowhere to be found so I just gave up on it. Only when it is convenient for him, he wants to spend time with us. He is trying to fully isolate me from my parents. Last year he wanted to keep one of my children with him for Christmas but it didn't work out his way. He got angry when we all ended up going to my parents and leaving him behind. He holds me up for it till this day. He brings our kids where ever he wants or to which ever woman's house he wants to, and I only bring them to my parents and he has the nerve to question and get angry at me. My kids love going to my parents for Christmas. He is Sooooooo SELFISH!!!!!! I do not drive now. I do not have my full license. He claims he wants me to learn to drive but him teaching me is another problem that comes with abuse while he teaches me. I have been hit in the head many times while he sat in the passenger seat. The last time I drove with him I almost had to go to the hospital, but that is a whole different story. I would love to get my license. It would help me a lot. Although, I did drive alone a couple times and I felt more relaxed than when I was driving with him.
I feel like I am going CRAZY at times. I am full of different emotions. I always ask what have I done to deserve this abuse. I came from a good home, did not have many friends, didn't steal, only had 3 sex partners in my life(I am 35 yrs old), don't smoke, drink, finished high school on time and finished college,... I know it is never an excuse for anyone to get abused no matter where they are in life, who they are, or what they have been through, but I just don't understand. I am so TIRED.
Sorry for the long post.