I had a similar experience with my T suddenly changing boundaries or stopping something comforting she had done. Her explaination was that I didn't need it anymore and if she continued then she would be enabling a behaviour I could now manage or control myself. It didn't seem to occur to her that her constant swinging back and forth with what she offered was confusing and hurtful. Consistency from the start would have been far more helpful.

I was told by a second T (at one stage I needed therapy because I'd had therapy!) that the first T was obviously bad with boundaries and consistency.

I don't believe any therapist sets out to harm a client, but I do think there are plenty out there who misjudge how their actions or words will effect a very emotionally vulnerable client. Some are not trained in how to help clients who have certain psychiatric conditions and some are not trained in how to help clients who develop strong attachment or transference feelings. However, they seem to think they can plough on and treat the client anyway. Once they realise the client is having difficulties because of their method then they suddenly snap back into place boundaries that had previously been all over the place. And they seem to think that's ok too.

I did have experience of that with my T. Sigh....took me a while to recover.

I did at one point think the therapy was doing me more harm than good. But I also really wanted to put this right. It was the help of the second T (a very good one) who helped me do that. I was then able to go back to resolve things with the first T and therapy with her got on track in a healthy way so that I could eventually end regular sessions with her in a way that felt ok to me. If I hadn't done that and just walked away from therapy when I was still in that bad place with the first T then I think I would have been disillusioned and harmed in some way by it.[/QUOTE]

Thanks for this! I think sometimes Ts unknowingly can just lump people together and have their boundaries, etc etc... without realizing how vulnerable and hurt one may be. Different people just take things differently. I have a hard time with rejection, but have a hard time with closeness too, it's a very confusing struggle. My T cares very much about me, there is no doubt in my mind about that, and I know she had NO intentions of hurting me. I think she'd probably take some things back if she could.... but what's done is done, and even if she thinks I'm all wrong and she's all right, I think she may do things a bit differently next time. Well I hope so. I'm quite sure she never imagined I would be affected so much. I think she is a good T...and yeah, I probably said it here before, but even at the time, I thought her boundaries were a bit loose, but I enjoyed it. And, as I was warned....it did come back to bite me. I still love my T and I know she has love for me as her client, I just gotta work through this crap. As angry as I get, I blame myself more than her... if I didn't think the way I do it wouldn't have been an issue. But...that's why I'm in therapy! I love my T. I do not agree with how she handled that matter. But I also know Ts are people too, and I also know she would never intentionally hurt me. It's been four months now...and even though I'm still struggling, she's still hanging in there, and still trying to "get me back." I'm trying to come back....it's not been an easy process, but I think the connection we had before this incident is worth it.