Welcome, Ilovemyself...to PC!
I am wondering if you are truly Narcissistic...? I have done extensive reading on the condition/disorder, and have known a couple of NPD fellas, who wreaked total havoc on my life. In my investigation, it seems a true Narcissist is incapable of the degree of honest self-examination you are doing at this time.
I suppose anyone can change with enough hard work, but my understanding of true Narcissism and change is bleak...Most do not.
Patty