I’m not going to start off by saying I know there are people worse off than me because I know that and this information does not help my situation in the least.

I don’t know why this kind of crap follows me around but I seem to be a crap magnet.

I have had ups and downs when I knew a divine power intervened and showed some mercy on my then I have felt the wrath of something.

I have been a negative thinker or person but then I saw the movie the secret a few months ago and tried to think positive in everyway but not so sure that really helped. I’m not so sure I really need to stick around here any more I mean what’s the point my girls are all big and I’m even a grandfather so no one needs me and I’m just a punching bag anyway.

I take up space, air and food my existence is irrelevant and painless.

What gets me to this point is simple sure my father never told me he loved me and he treated my mom like crap but I didn’t grow up that was thank good.

I had a rough childhood somewhat but not all that bad when I was a teen I rolled with some very bad people I figured I would be in jail or dead and that I would never see 30, big deal I’m 47.

I have 4 beautiful girls they range from 19-25 and I’m very blessed, they work hard they have goals and they don’t get sidetracked. I guess I should not complain about my feelings because in the big picture they are amazing kids.

They all have decent jobs and are perusing professional careers; really I had nothing to do with this because as I said I was very blessed they raised themselves.

I was with their mother 11 years and she hid the fact that she was a drug addict and she cheated on me every chance she got. She also gave me Hepatitis C. I stayed for the kids and in the end that was the worst thing I did and she got out of hand and child services too the girls away. I was devastated and after 4 months of spending my life savings I got the girls back and I raised them on my own I was a single father.

It was tough making ends meet but they always had food and everything they needed. I knew god helped me because there was no way a male could ever get sole custody of 4 young children ages 2-8. Every one I mean every one said I would never win even my own family I cried every day and I had injured by back very seriously but I still went to work (I fell off a house) because there was no way a judge would ever give a bum the children.

After this I found out I had Hepatitis C and I did the chemo treatments and I was very ill for months I lost over 70 lbs and my mind was just no there anymore. They had to stop the treatments because my body was getting used to it and there was no more point. I needed to take break for a few months.

I met a great woman I fell deeply in love with her she made me want to live and have the finer things in life. She showed me I had value and was the first person to ever believe in me not even my family did. I was with her 4 years and in that time I never went back for treatment I just didn’t are to I was fine. She encouraged me to go to school and be something and I went to law school. While I was with her I spent a small fortune we went to the finest restaurants and went to Europe. I graduated from law school with honors and I guess I showed my girls you can do anything you want, this was the second time I beat the odds again no way I could pass the law exam with out the grace of god, its just too hard and anyone that says it isn’t is full of it.

My started my own practice and its very hard and slow going the love of my life started dating others because I don’t make enough to support her life style. She has allot of money but when we do anything I always pay, that’s very hurtful. My kids could care less about me they mouth off have no respect and don’t care what sacrifices I have made. They just treat me like crap and I also recently tried to help a friend and they ripped me off for over 60k and ruined my credit I can’t even get a free coffee. Needles to say women in my life use me because I’m just a stupid man and deserve it. All I have accomplished is for not and it means nothing, if I don’t have the respect and love of my girls. Yes this woman hurt me and she still does but the only time my girls talk to me is when they want something and we life in the same house. I hate my life I have no reason or business to be here. Can I over come this; the real question is do I really care to?

I’m such a loser and I deserve everything for always getting burned by everyone and still wanting to help the world because I always get burned.

I deal with anxiety everyday and the Hep C but what’s the point of going to the doctor I wish they would just do me already.

I truly give up not sure how to help myself anymore, i have gotten up so many times I'm just so drained.