Your T won't lead and she won't advise you on how to lead because she's trying to avoid a dynamic where she becomes the driving force and you become attached in a subordinate fashion.

To be honest, I don't think it's bad that she does everything different than your ex-T. I don't agree with everything this one does (her boundary stuff has been messy, but that might only be because she didn't realize how much you needed to know them), but she seems to be a lot more competent.

Flipping out is a reaction to not getting what you want, which leaves you with your insecurity, which is difficult, but sometimes therapists don't give us what we want because it wouldn't be good for us. (And I say that as someone who has experienced those moments.)

On the bright side, you flipped out, she didn't go anywhere, and therapy goes on. You might not be pleased or happy (I am sometimes displeased as well) but your therapist is still your therapist, and it sounds like you're going to learn how to lead.