Quote:
Originally Posted by SkyscraperMeow
Your T won't lead and she won't advise you on how to lead because she's trying to avoid a dynamic where she becomes the driving force and you become attached in a subordinate fashion.
To be honest, I don't think it's bad that she does everything different than your ex-T. I don't agree with everything this one does (her boundary stuff has been messy, but that might only be because she didn't realize how much you needed to know them), but she seems to be a lot more competent.
Flipping out is a reaction to not getting what you want, which leaves you with your insecurity, which is difficult, but sometimes therapists don't give us what we want because it wouldn't be good for us. (And I say that as someone who has experienced those moments.)
On the bright side, you flipped out, she didn't go anywhere, and therapy goes on. You might not be pleased or happy (I am sometimes displeased as well) but your therapist is still your therapist, and it sounds like you're going to learn how to lead.
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Yeah. You're probably right about everything. Because she's so different, it will probably help me avoid transference as well (though I'm still projecting). And it's probably a good thing I'm frustrated. At least I'm seeing her as her, and am able to express the frustration.
But I still need help with finding topics to lead! I know there's things to talk about, but w/o her guiding, I don't know if it's productive. Right now, the source of my struggles is my ex-T. But what more can I say? I've said I'm hurt and I miss her hundreds of times already.
Next week, I only have two topics. 1. My hw my Pdoc gave me. 2. Will she ask ex-T why I can't have contact. I need 2 more. I think one topic should be why she should help me in leading the conversation :P Hey, it is something I'm upset about... But number 4?
My problem is that I'm locking myself in my house again, so there's not much drama going on. I have no social anxiety, no relationship problems... My depression and anxiety atm can be blamed on ex-T. So my life is pretty dull. I have a lot to work on, a long way to grow, but where do I start.
Someone please tell me how to start!
Please...