Quote:
Originally Posted by AbsurdBlackBear
I'm sorry to hear about this ShaggyChic, it is a very upsetting thing that this happened to you. You obviously had no such obligation to do something you not only didn't want to do, but had deep seated moral issues with. I am glad you were able to find the strength to get out of the situation. I don't think having these afterthoughts make you a slut, such events can be very psychologically damaging and disorder an aspect of your psyche after being exposed to it, especially as long and all the things you have been exposed to. It is just like a drug or any other heavily psychological subject. It is going to have an effect on people exposed to it, but I do not think you're a slut. You obviously are still disgusted by this situation and since you posted it in the abuse section, I'm assuming you take it as a form of abuse which I agree with and shows that there is more to you than the damage that these experiences have caused.  |
I know it's abuse. Everything in my life seems to qualify as abuse. I have been so triggered for the past few weeks that my T today asked if there were any meds I was afraid to keep in the house and if I needed to be in the hospital. I said no, I am safe, and I am. I want to hurt and punish myself, but that's all.
Even worse, I've subconsciously done what I've always been afraid of: I opened Pandora's Box and am now flooded with sick memories and despair and hopelessness. Meanwhile, I am buying a house and having a holiday party. How I manage to keep breathing, let alone functioning is truly a mystery. I am exhausted and terrified to relax and try to sleep. I stay up as late as I can keeping busy. Then down trazadone and a glass of wine in the hopes I can avoid thinking. It never works. Then the nightmares start and I'm bolted awake to suffer til it's time to get out of bed and hit the treadmill. FML.