Hi ShaggyChic, IF you enjoyed the dancing then please don't judge yourself on that, that does not make you a "bad" person, not in the slightest!!!
Part of me wonders if you (personally/who you were) enjoyed the dancing "that much" though from what you've said.........or whether it was a bit more about coercion/manipulation into feeling that way and the drink/drugs which led you to feel that............but either way please don't judge yourself on that.
And the rest.........sounds like none of that was from free choice. Easy to think "Well why didn't I insist on NO/done something" but in situations like that it really isn't necessarily like that in reality is it??!! When you're in the "middle of it".
To me it is a situation you were bullied into, it was manipulative, it was emotionally abusive (at the very least!!) and when your self esteem, self confidence, self respect starts getting stripped away you are going to be doing things you personally wouldn't want to be doing.
But that was you then, so if you can maybe you could try more compassion towards that person, they/you were hurt enough already. They/you honestly DO NOT deserve disgust, not in any way.
And after they/you built up the incredible strength it must have taken to eventually say "No"........wow......do they/you deserve a massive amount of respect/admiration for that, or what??!!!!
And the dreams........well pretty tough to confront them when they aren't "in your conscious" but maybe some of their origins to come from your unresolved feelings about yourself and some of those memories coming much more to the surface???
So maybe it could help in trying to carry on working through those and (if you're not already!!) e.g. with a T, in a support group, in an online support group, and with us too???
So if you want to talk..............

Alison