My heart breaks everytime I think of my mom. She too, was an abusive parent. Left alone to raise four children in a Navy world must have taken its greatest toll on her. She would be more physical on the two youngest in her care, myself and younger brother. I never imagined that it had anything to do with her "mental" stability. When you're a young child you don't put things in that prospective. That comes years down the road if at all?
My mother took her own life about 14 years ago, and still my heart yearns for the "mother" I don't have. It drives me crazy thinking she did that as a last ditch effort for control, and I refuse to believe that. That's insane.....but maybe? she was. It's too hard to speculate and does no good.
I forgive her. I only wanted to be "loved" for who I really am, not what I couldn't be for her.