What if you let go of labeling your struggle and just worked on feeling better? Labels can be helpful, but you don't need a diagnosis to say "I don't feel happy and I'm afraid to let anyone know it" (getting up to hide how you feel from family) to a therapist and to work on that.

I went in angry and stressed. Later, a few months later, we called some of it PTSD, but not having that diagnosis didn't stop me from starting to get better just through focusing on what bothered me the most.

I'm sorry you're feeling so low and wanting to hurt yourself- please don't worry about "imagining things" or making them worse- what you're feeling is valid and a sign to you that you, like most people at different times, could use some help. Nothing wrong with that and you do not need to justify it.