I'm getting more personal here, but since my rupture with my T in March, I have more than doubled my smoking, when I was down to half a pack a day, and my self medicating has gone around the clock. No, I have not told her. I simply can't. But that sure tells me that I'm in a worse place now than before that rupture....even still. I wish I could talk to her about it, but I'm afraid it would come across as manipulative if I did. I'm not trying to "get her back." I'm trying to feel better in any way I can.