Hi, you are definitely not alone having an eating disorder and being middle aged. I am 46 and was diagnosed with anorexia this past spring. The problem is that I've been living like this for so many years that I'm still having trouble believing that I really have a disorder. I don't purge; I guess I restrict, and I exercise a lot, and I am kind of obsessed with bad feelings whenever I eat. Also, people are so used to seeing me "skinny" that most of them don't think I have a problem either. I understand you when you talk about it being a teenage problem. I think there are many many middle aged women who have an eating disorder in some form and who have never acknowledged it or had anyone mention it to them. We are the generation that grew up in the Twiggy era, when super thin was just becoming fashionable, and when nobody had really heard much about eating disorders. I think society has had a big influence on how we women see our bodies. Many of us feel like we can never be thin enough. As we get older, it is natural and normal to gain weight; it is expected. A middle aged woman who weighs 100 looks different than a teenager who weighs 100! But I don't/won't accept that I'm supposed to weigh more, just because I'm older. I kind of know that my thinking doesn't make sense, but being thin is one of very few things that seems to make me feel good - or at least not as depressed. I was in a partial hospitalization program this summer, but I left. My therapist has told my insurance company that I need to be hospitalized if they won't continue to pay for me to see him on an outpatient basis.
Please write back; I'm curious how the middle age thing affects you and the way you see your body, weight, etc.