I don't see any contradiction or conflict in how responsibility is being placed in all encounters where harm is done to people, and I don't understand why people believe that the concept of responsibility is an "either or" issue meaning that it's either the victim who is responsible for staying too long in the abusive situation or the abuser for abusing the victim. For the life of me I don't understand why it is not both and why responsibility is equated with blame and shame.

I take full responsibility for choosing to stay in all harmful situations I've been in throughout my adult life. And I do NOT consider myself a fool. Yes, there are many reasons people stay in abusive situations and I had my reasons too and those were very understandable reasons. Does it mean that my choices were no longer mine just because I made them for understandable reasons? No. Those are still my choices. I own them. AND, only when I owned them I felt empowered and more prepared to make better choices in the future. I don't blame myself for making bad choices in the past. I have compassion for myself and for my inability to see the reality as it was because my pain compelled me to indulge in unrealistic fantasies. I have compassion for my pain that made me unable to exercise a sound judgment. And this compassion allows me to take full responsibility for my choices, which I am happy to do because, as I said, doing so empowers me. It frees me from the mental state of victimhood. That is not to say that I no longer feel that I've been wronged. I know I've been wronged and there is a part of me that will feel victimized and traumatized for the rest of my life, which is perfectly OK. I respect this part and, as I said, I have compassion for it, but I don't let it rule my life.

My choice to take full responsibility for my life's choices and for my behavior in NO way means that I reduce the responsibility of those who harmed me. It is not an "either or" issue, as I said before, but many people see it that way. They feel that if they take responsibility for their own choice then it somehow reduces the responsibility of abusers. It doesn't. My choice to stay in harmful situation has nothing to do with the behavior of those who abused me. Their behavior belongs to them no matter what I did or didn't do and they are fully responsible for what they did.

I am 100% responsible for my choices to stay in harmful situations. Those who chose to abuse me are 100% responsible for abusing me. What is mine belongs to me. What is theirs belongs to them. Simple as that.