It is going to be extremely hard and make you feel incredibly vulnerable, but it would be in your best interest for you to start telling her your feelings. It will help her help you. My brother is a psychologist and said transference means the therapy is working and my T. agreed. It took me awhile to admit any feelings towards my T. but I did. I've also told her many dreams I have had about her which has shown some light on issues I have.

For example, through telling her my feelings about her she pointed out I had abandonment issues. I had (really) no idea and looked at her like she was crazy. But, now I see it's a pattern in all my relationships. Even though you have maternal transference, most likely some of the patterns are in your other relationships as well.

You don't have to start telling her about feeling obsessive. I still haven't told my T. that. But, you could start with what you think about in between sessions. Maybe make a list of what bothers you about the transference and start there?

As far as her boundaries, I have learned that no one can tell you whether they are good or bad. If I went to 4 different T's, they would all probably treat me differently. It depends on my personality, my history, how I'm coping currently and my T's temperament and personal boundaries.

If I had a T' like yours, I don't think I could ever leave. BUT, I HAVE wanted a T like yours. I have asked my T. to give me things she's not willing to give -more time, more verbal validation/reassurance, etc. It's taken me a year to realize that she doesn't think they are in my best interest and it's not quite her temperament either. Could she be wrong? Maybe. Could she be right? Maybe. I now completely trust her (which took a year) and I have improved a great deal. So, I feel like what she's doing is helping more.

The best thing you can do for yourself is to try to tell your T. all of your feelings. I don't think she will be surprised and each time you can talk about it, you will give those feelings less "power". I also found it helpful to relate my transference to my mom (also the person who didn't give me what i needed). I remember crying hearing a song about someone caring for someone else. My thoughts immediately went to my T. and crying that she doesn't care in the way I want her to. I was always making it all about my T. when in reality it's about my mom. Once I could make those connections, I could understand why I was feeling the way I was. It took a ton of tears, obsession, time, pain and depression to get better.

I've actually been a little down this past week. My T. has been trying to get me to tell her my feelings all year. I would shut down or say "i don't know". I just last week said I had read the best way to get through transference is you have to FEEL it to HEAL it. You need to FEEL it in your session while telling her how you feel. Her reaction to you/attunement/positive reaction will heal you. My T. said "that's what I've been trying to get you to do!!!". Well, now my feelings are a lot less and I worry that i missed out on something. An important part of therapy is to have a cathartic experience. While telling your T. your feelings, you feel heard, you feel sympathy/caring/etc. that gives you a new experience for your brain to replace your mom's incorrect reaction to you.

So, think about and realize that every time you can tell her a feeling and she responds in a positive manner, you are building new brain pathways to allow you to heal. The more and deeper you can do it, the more you will heal. Unfortunately, it's all up to you. She can't read your mind and she can't help you if she really doesn't know the extent of your transference.

My T. started off asking me what my needs are. I squirmed and answered her. Then, she had me rank them. That list that we started a year ago are still the issues today. EVERY SINGLE FEELING I have towards her can be linked back to one of those needs.

So, perhaps a good starting place with your T. would be to go in and say you have a list of what you wanted from your mom and you've realized this because these are teh things you want from her. And, then start on one of them. I want you to care about me because...... I want you to be affectionate with me because...... I want you to HEAR me because....

Not only have my needs been the focus of my therapy but also how I react to my T. or how I EXPECT her to act. I expect her to act like my mom and she hasn't yet. But, getting past that every time has been very uncomfortable.

I hope sharing this helps you. i really know how you feel. I've been in the same boat. I'm still in it but I think I now have one paddle. I used to tell my T. I felt like I was on a boat out at sea with no paddles and a hole in the boat. The hole is smaller and I can mostly cover it with my foot. LOL

As you recognize the transference and where it's coming from, it will get easier to deal with. The key is to share it with someone who can help you and that person looks like she is more than willing!