Im picking up my stuff from her house tomorrow morning. I didnt want to say were breaking up over the phone, which i didnt directly ; I guess there was no way around it, you dont talk to someone for 4 days and then you gotta get your stuff and i guess its obvious.

She must think im a huge asshole. She probably thinks im upset over buying the cigarettes or something. But she wouldnt understand if i tried to tell her how much ive thought about this. And itd just hurt more. She said theres nothing she has to say to me in person. That hurt. Everything hurts. I hope shes asleep when I get there. I hope she doesnt get mad at me. Please, please dont get mad. Please be asleep. Please dont cry. I really like you. I dont want to do this, and I hate myself. Im starting to wonder whether or not Id just overreacted. I guess even if I were its already set in motion. This is going to take so long to get over.

I went to the intake but im not going to go into the program. My eating disorder feels like my friend right now