Hey EmilyStrange,

I am so sorry that you were raped.


There is a saying in my country that a man who's bitten by snake is scared of even a rope. You endured a something violent and your mind has not healed from the trauma. By becoming a super cliche, angry-psuedo-feminist with resentment towards men, you are only trying to protect yourself.

I hope you are seeing a therapist to deal with your pain. If not please do. It's not something that you can snap out of. And time doesn't heal things, doing something about a problem heals things. And it sometimes take a few tries to find one whom you are willing to work with. It's a lot like finding a friend, and you don't gel with each and every person you meet.

It's good that you've found someone and to have a solid relationship with him, you should may be tell him what you feel and why you feel that way. For strong relationship, it requires for people involved to be emotionally healthy, or for the other person to be patient to work with.

Take your time. Start/continue with therapy. Write about your thoughts and feelings - it's a great outlet. Do a little meditation, as it helps control your thoughts. Do exercise/yoga as it increases endorphins. Join some self-defense class, as it makes you feel very powerful and increases confidence in yourself. Get a little self help on PTSD and this book - The Body keeps score - by Bessel van der Kolk is very well rated.

All my love.