Hi Shell,

I'm so sorry that all this happened to you. No, as you probably know it yourself, this is not normal behavior for children.

It's not unusual for children to act out, when they are being abused. I can connect with you.

Someone did something to me when I was around 8, though I don't have specific memories. I played 'the game' with my dolls and my younger friend. I didn't realize what I was doing and even when my mom caught me, it was just like 'oops' and laughed it off. I used to later ask Again, I had no idea what I was doing and was probably reacting to my abuse, just as probably Amanda was reacting to her abuse.

Be a little kind to yourself. You were only a child, reacting to your abuse. Your mother should have been more vigilant after the incidents came to light....but I guess parents back then didn't know any better. All that you are currently experiencing stems from what happened to you during your childhood - dislike of being touched, but yet craving sex.

Please see a therapist if you already are not seeing one. Writing can be helpful. Meditation would help you gain a little mind control. Also, there is an excellent self help book - The Body keeps score - by Bessel van der Kolk. do read it if you can, its very well rated.

All my love.