I am not diagnosed with dissociative disorders
I never talk about things to my therapist or mental health professionals tbh I just don't really bother bc I can't explain verbally
There is so much I have to say way more than this tbh but i will just start with what I can let out for now anyway--
There were several times I can recall feeling like time and day move by so fast yet so slowly (bc little time as passed in reality) and people feel like that but this is too many times. And I didn’t feel like this when I was little so I see a difference!!! 
And like when this feeling happens- i feel like the world around me feels so unreal. I am sober btw. It’s like I see the world as im on drugs but I’m sober and it’s not that intense maybe idk i belittle myself a lot but.. I’ll give examples
My school had a badminton tournament one day (im surrounded by lots of people and loud noises and interaction) 
-I thought I would have a panic attack bc I have anxiety and I just involuntarily freak out and panic cry my heart races almost all be time especially in social events BUT I DIDNT
-so I’m like whatever cuz I’m fine
-but like as the day went by and I was surrounded by people and sitting with them and stuff . I was fine? Which is strange to me 
-I could talk to people fine and I’m aware about what’s going on around me im still kinda awkward but I can chit chat and just be there and be fine???? Again still aware about my feelings thoughts and surroundings 
-I felt like it was the longest day even tho it was still morning?????????????
-when my friend has to leave to do somethjng I was ok and i sat alone in front of everyone watching the tournament and I didn’t feel nervous maybe slightly anxious but 
I didn’t care 
Like I didn’t care at all ????? 
I felt so weird looking at everyone 
Everyone was just doing their thing 
And they just felt so.. Soulless
Kinda like robots
They’re not obviously
But everyone around me just felt so meaningless and so did I i felt meaningless . 
When my peppy cheerful friends came and sat with me they were fu of joy and my emotionless face easily put on a smile . It’s so weird I felt like I had to pretend to be a person. I’m a person but j felt like I had no emotion . I didn’t care . And it felt like a dream a foggy dream. It didn’t feel real. Like there’s a difference from going to school and doing thjngs socializing etc and then going to school and just feeling like it’s so bright and you’re in a fantasy world even tho everything is literally the same and u just are okay u seem okay and fine and u don’t care and u just feel like unreal it doesn’t feel real but u know its real but u just feel like things don’t exist and it’s all nothing 
everything is nothing 
And as the day ended I became moody and paranoid and had delusions that slightly was impairing and oh god it was intense delusions over NOTHING 
My self esteem was good I was so assertive as the day ended and did what I wanted to do I even complained to this cashier I went from feeling weird floating light carefree apathetic to moody delusional angry but I still felt kinda weird like I described earlier
ANOTHER EXAMPLE I remember:
last day of school:
Moody sensitive in the morning 
I forgot what happened in school but I skipped classes and I just did whatever and was bored
Ok but when school ended I hungojt with a big group of people at the park
And again I thought I would be nervous and have a panic attack
But instead I felt fine!!! We were there 1-2? Hours but it seemed like an eternity 
Everything was bright 
I am aware of what I’m doing I was slightly nervous 
I was actually pretty aloof 
Like everyone was doing athletic activies and eating and socializing and I just sat out and watched them and watched the park and trees and nature around me I felt weird 
I laid in the grass and just watched and talked to friends about astrology stuff they ask about but I felt so weird?!!!!!!!
It felt like that day lasted forever
It was bright and sunny and it felt hazy It felt foggy . I felt fine. I felt calm and fine and happy. I wanted to feel like this forever and wanted that simple day to keep repeating . I did have some delusions I don’t wanna talk about 
When I was in the pool the water felt so good and weird and surreal but I still acted like myself like
Nobody would’ve known im seeing the world in this weird *** filter 
Also I’m not on drugs and I’m sober too 
But I just felt fine and apathetic and comfortable and
It’s like a warm sheet of comfort hugged me all day 
But time went buy so slow and so quick
Everything felt weird 
It didn’t seem right even though I was ok and fine
Then from that day to now I felt so horrible and I felt so tired
All my energy is gone and I don’t want to socialize (I barely socialized then but I enjoyed being around people) and I am so tired and I am hating myself so much and I keep crying and I’m so emotional and I just want to stop being emotional like I was on those days
I said a lot but there’s more feelings I felt those days idk how to explained
I felt really detached yet still here????
It’s weird
I think I like that feeling I want to feel like that more because I feel fine and content and okay… But then I am stressed the **** out because when I’m not like that im worried about how I felt and like how it seemed like time just felt frozen while going it’s scary?????????? How I just lose time and stuff. It’s like what happen????? Was that even real?!!?
U know??? Sorry I sound crazy idk I just don’t get myself here and I’m very self aware but I don’t get this really