I'm part Native American, but mostly white. I'm trying to get into a PhD program, and a part of it that I'm interested in is the Native American counseling program. I've been raised away from the reservation, totally immersed in white Utah Mormon culture. My dad is from a reservation, and I've always wanted to get more into that part of my Heritage. Tonight I went with the Native American grad students for the opening social of the American Indian Support Project at the university here. I had a really great night.

Race has been on my mind a lot lately, with everything that's been going on. (I'm also in a multicultural psych class and also trying to get myself enrolled in my tribe finally!) Anyway, I take after my mom, so I am very very white. Sometimes I feel like I have no claim to my Native blood because of that. But as a kid, I was seen as the Indian kid and almost all my cousins that I was raised around are blue-eyed and blonde haired. Ya know? Sometimes I feel like I'm not Native, but I'm not only Caucasian either. And I have trouble knowing what to think about it all, and where to belong. I also hate filling out paperwork that tells you to select ONE race only. I have to choose one part of me, or check "other". Checking "other" makes me feel subhuman.

Tonight I met two couples- both with an Indian man and a Caucasian woman, just like my parents. My parents are the only couple I have ever known with an Indian and a Caucasian. I've known very few biracial couples at all. It was kinda nice to see them together. It felt really good. And one of the couples had a son with dark skin, but light hair and blue eyes! How gorgeous is that?

I just wanted to know if anyone out there can relate. Sometimes it hurts a lot. Sometimes I even wish that my parents had both married into their own race and I was either/or, you know? But I hate that I feel that way, because I support biracial marriage and I think what I am is beautiful- most of the time.

Please, if you don't support inter-racial marriages, refrain from comment. It will hurt my feelings, and I'm just looking for support. Thanks.

Angela