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Old Jul 04, 2015, 11:27 PM
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Cinnamon_Stick Cinnamon_Stick is offline
Grand Poohbah
 
Member Since: May 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 1,677
Quote:
Originally Posted by musinglizzy View Post
My T has said it that way too. My T would say "I love you too" If I said it first. Then we had a rupture. Neither of us said it. (still working on that rupture four months later). I was feeling on unstable ground. I was looking for connection again and wasn't able to get it. So I said it to her one day, because I DO feel it. And I don't have a problem telling people I love them if I do. I love a LOT of people. Anyway, I hugged her and told her I loved her. She said "thank you." Well, I brought it up to her in an Email. She said "yeah, that was awkward." I asked her what was awkward, my telling her that, or her saying thank you. She wrote me back that as my therapist, she has love for me but that word is reserved for her private life and she won't be using it with me. She said she didn't find it useful, or genuine. Um, ok. She'd said it before, more than once, but now we had this rupture and she wouldn't be saying it anymore. Ok. It hurt, but I went on. Ok, it hurt a lot. Because she had no problem saying it before. It's not like I say it a lot, I don't. But sometimes after an especially hard session, where I am feeling really connected, I would. Well, a couple/few weeks after she said she wouldn't be saying it anymore, she said it again. Only this time was the first time she ever initiated it. She gave me a hug and told me she loved me. I told her I love her too, and she said "I know." That was it. And I was fine with that. She said she wouldn't be saying it, yet she did. And that made it ok. I KNOW she does, and I don't need to keep hearing it now that I heard it that one time, after she said she was basically taking it away. So...she crossed her own boundary, but honestly, it ended up being helpful for me, it was like the "closure" I needed. I know this all sounds pathetic. I know plenty of you won't agree, but my T has said that she doesn't believe therapy can work without love on both sides, and I agree with that. FOR ME. That doesn't mean that's the case for everyone.
Sometimes I feel like we are the same person Lizzy. My T told me before either of us said it that she is uncomfortable saying it unless it is her family. I respect her so much for telling me that up front. She said that if I am in crisis, she will say it directly and she is fine with that. I have been in crisis the last three days. I had an emergency session with her on Friday due to this crisis and as we hugged at the end of our session I said "I love you" and she said "I love you too". It felt so amazing to hear it that I am happy with hearing it directly once in a awhile. I don't need to keep hearing it because she said it as we hugged during a major crisis and it was so powerful.
Hugs from:
brillskep, LonesomeTonight
Thanks for this!
ameliaxxx, brillskep, musinglizzy