Is it ok if I talk about platonic relationships here? I wasn't sure where to put this.
I am extremely good at excusing behavior. From anyone. I feel like 90-95% of the time I spend talking to people about other people, I'm trying to diffuse the other person's negativity towards the person we're talking about by saying that we need to understand from their point of view. I pretty much will always have an excuse for someone. Even if it's just "yeah, what they did was wrong, but we know that's their one biggest personality flaw and it's just the thing that's hardest for them to work on."
The flip side to this by the way is that I am also extremely good at blaming myself for everything. In that situation I made up above, I might have gone on to say "so we need to remember better that this person has a problem here, so that we can accommodate them better. It's not fair to them for us to blame them when we know that this is the thing they struggle with." I will literally always find a way to take the blame from anyone else, and put it on myself. I feel more guilt than I feel any other emotion. Actually, I'm not sure there has ever been a moment in time wherein I am not experiencing guilt.
How does this relate to a specific relationship? My best friend happens to be extremely good, by his own admission, of excusing himself from blame, and convincing others of his innocence too. He and I together make quite a pair then with me always excusing him and taking the blame myself, and him instinctually letting me do that. Now, importantly, he doesn't do it maliciously. It's a defense mechanism. When he excuses himself from blame, it's to protect himself. He doesn't try to make me take the blame for it. He doesn't want me to feel the blame. He wants the blame to not exist.
Ha. There I go again. I don't know whether I'm overly excusing this or not. But anyway. I do take the blame, always. I feel all of it. Everything all the time, is always my fault, in any situation. This isn't helped by his behavior.
Sooo... It's always taught that we should "imagine people complexly," as John Green says, and "try walking a mile in their shoes," as the old adage goes. I've tried my best to do that. But it seems I've actually done it TOO MUCH? Do I need to start letting other people take blame? Hell, is it actually a BAD thing that I am almost never upset with someone else? I guess I must be taking the blame and the irritation I would be feeling at them, into myself, where I can blame myself and feel intense amounts of guilt over it.

I'm so confused.