Quote:
Originally Posted by Ididitmyway
I hear you. I feel exactly the same way. I cry when I recall how vulnerable I was to the influence of those who were in a position to help me but who harmed me instead. I do hold them responsible for what they did, but I hold the whole system more responsible in harming me than those individual therapists. After all, even when a therapist has best intentions, the system trains them in such a way that they will do harm inadvertently anyway. But then every system is made of individuals and so each person is responsible for how they deal with the system. Will they conform and stay willfully ignorant? Will they fight it from the inside? Will they leave it and raise public awareness about how it operates? I chose the latter. I left it and started raising public awareness of the ways in which it operates.
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Well said. I have struggled with where to place accountability (not blame). Surely my T is responsible, but yes the system is setup to manufacture victims to some extent and she is partly just an instrument of that system.
When she finally came to terms,
a little, with the fact that our work together harmed me, I think she was dumbstruck. Who me? she thought, I have good intentions, it can't be so. But it was, and that frightened her, and she fled the scene.
And she was still in denial in large part, saying she stood by our work together, even knowing I was destroyed. It was too dangerous for her to question the basic nature of the work, so she had to tell herself and me that it was ultimately for my own good. Another wound.