I can relate to this as my ex T also showed this astonishment when I told her a couple of things I didnīt like she did in therapy. I understood it was much about prestige for her, she had worked as a T for 30 years.
A T who becomes dismissive, angry or so on with a client is in my eyes always a T who lacks in perspective and canīt fully acknowledge how the client feels and how he or she is affected.
Of course a T canīt always know how a client will react to certain things thatīs been said or done but what many T:s canīt handle is to "take care of the mess" so to speak. Many T:s think they use the perfect method and when criticized they just leave the client by.
Ruptures should really be the way to look more into the clients problems but too often ruptures become terminations instead.
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Originally Posted by BudFox
Well said. I have struggled with where to place accountability (not blame). Surely my T is responsible, but yes the system is setup to manufacture victims to some extent and she is partly just an instrument of that system.
When she finally came to terms, a little, with the fact that our work together harmed me, I think she was dumbstruck. Who me? she thought, I have good intentions, it can't be so. But it was, and that frightened her, and she fled the scene.
And she was still in denial in large part, saying she stood by our work together, even knowing I was destroyed. It was too dangerous for her to question the basic nature of the work, so she had to tell herself and me that it was ultimately for my own good. Another wound.
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