Hi,
my father had an alcoholic parent, and now in his old age, when autopilot, he is recreating all the dysfunctions he went through as a child.
No matter how much things I've said to him he is doing, his denial is stronger and for him is too easy to turn on in his head amnesia. His excuses are at the level of a 8 y/o boy, and he is 65.
When ever I meet him in our house, he instantly sucks all the energy out of me - his facial expressions and walk of a victim are draining me. He rarely talks cause he is not well educated, so he would use all the abusive sounds and appearances to trigger me and to steal attention, in order to install 'a higher father figure' that an adult child should scare of. He never uses logic and operates under the radar.
I recognized my addiction to him the moment I noticed that when I am around him, my thoughts are all about him, even there are my mother and sister. Also (just like now) I read so much stuff about "Adult Children of Alcoholics" even that should be his job. But no, he doesn't even recognize his problem or take to account our point-outs of his behavior.
I guess he is desperate to recreate old dysfunctions, cause for normal family he has no tool.

In one our family discussion, my mother said that he married my father cause she saw how protective and heroic his mother was in my fathers family. Often I feel that my mothers agenda is to be just the type of protective and heroic person, but in order to be that, she also needs an abusive husband and victimized children. That would be pretty narcissistic of her.
I know this sounds sick, but this is the printed fate where my family of origin goes.

I forgot to say about narcissism; my grandfathers narcissism was reflected in his addiction to alcohol and all the troubles he created to his wife and children, so the problematic attention was all directed to him. My father is also desperate for attention and for him it is easier to gain it by provocation, triangulation, crazy-making, triggering, making sounds... The problem is that all those stuff have no direct verbal connection to logic, why it bothers me so much on some different level (auditory, bodily, perceptual doubt,...).
I have a feeling that he created so many audio-perceptual buttons in my head when I was a child, so today it is too easy to press them.

Anybody has an advice on addiction to a person?
Thanks