Quote:
Originally Posted by barx
Thanks.
I understand my husband's pain, knowing that his own son is basically banned from his own home, but he is 20. I told my husband that I am more than willing to financially support him and love him from a distance, but I do not want him under my roof anymore. I also made sure that my husband knew that he could go visit his son anytime and take vacations with him. I don't want to stifle his relationship with his son, but I don't want him consistently in my home. I know that sounds incredibly terrible, because I would feel completely heart broken if someone felt that way about my kid. But, my husband knows how is son is and knows the long terrible history with him. So, having that knowledge, why make me feel bad? Why basically give me the silent treatment? Mope around and be distant from me? Without saying anything, I think I feel totally manipulated. If not manipulated, then something, but my husband's demeanor to me doesn't feel right. This is something we talked in depth about in therapy about my step-son. The three different therapist felt that my husband was living in denial about his son. By now, I would think my husband would be more considerate of me.
In any case, I'm not going to cave and let my emotions run with guilt. I'm going to try to stay strong and insist on being considered.
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i must respond to the portion you wrote above. don't want to go into lengthy detail but i am in the identical situation with a 44-yr. old step-son living in another state who decided in less than 1 yr. of marriage to a bridezilla that step-son needed to tell his dad that bridezilla didn't think he had been a good father. my husband came home from that visit totally crushed. nearly 2 yrs. have passed and i have taken and held onto the position (including therapy over this issue) that i will encourage any relationship he wants with his son but i will not participate in any way with step-son and wife. husband takes whatever crumbs he can get from son (after there was much discussion shortly after that statement and there now being a baby in their lives) but i will not allow my husband to guilt me or punish me because of the position if have taken. my husband is likewise in denial and chooses not to see my reality and it has made marriage rough at times as we have a really great marriage of almost 30 yrs. long story short, hubby just had heart surgery and i suggested adult son come visit w/o baby and bridezilla and he is supposed to come in 2 weeks for a weekend. i am ready for lots of dialogue w/step-son (out of presence of hubby) but yes, i am handed the blame constantly. i wish you only the best in terms of trying to resolve your issues.