i must respond to the portion you wrote above. don't want to go into lengthy detail but i am in the identical situation with a 44-yr. old step-son living in another state who decided in less than 1 yr. of marriage to a bridezilla that step-son needed to tell his dad that bridezilla didn't think he had been a good father. my husband came home from that visit totally crushed. nearly 2 yrs. have passed and i have taken and held onto the position (including therapy over this issue) that i will encourage any relationship he wants with his son but i will not participate in any way with step-son and wife. husband takes whatever crumbs he can get from son (after there was much discussion shortly after that statement and there now being a baby in their lives) but i will not allow my husband to guilt me or punish me because of the position if have taken. my husband is likewise in denial and chooses not to see my reality and it has made marriage rough at times as we have a really great marriage of almost 30 yrs. long story short, hubby just had heart surgery and i suggested adult son come visit w/o baby and bridezilla and he is supposed to come in 2 weeks for a weekend. i am ready for lots of dialogue w/step-son (out of presence of hubby) but yes, i am handed the blame constantly. i wish you only the best in terms of trying to resolve your issues.