My cure to feel better is working on purifying my soul "as much as I can".
I know it's strange and I don't even get it why remembering every moment I was abused and emotionally humiliated motivates me to be a better person. Perhaps it seems pointless since I am completely lonely and surrounded only by sadness. I lost all hopes when it comes to socializing, but just the feeling that I am a better person than yesterday makes me feel better about myself and my own little world.
It's also a bit disappointing because I am not religious at all, so I am not expecting rewards from a supreme being, although for some reason deep down I feel like there is something out there who knows even my intentions without the need to talk, someone who is soo kind and too fair.

I am sure one of the reason why I lost hope when it comes to socializing is not only that people don't care about me, but also it's my fault as well, because the fact that I had to deal with a lot of shhh in my life made me a little bit cold, besides the physical symptoms of my severe anxiety are horrible. It makes me look like a complete joke.