Omg I can relate and I still have memories and this comment is not really a solution but I want to point out some amazing things I notice like how you are so clear and direct on explaining and talking about this it's amazing there is like clarity and everything im sorry u have intrusive thoughts and unpleasant symptoms tho and like I said it's not a solution answer but I think you're doing great and like you've managed it well as you grow I think that trying to be done with the thoughts can make it worse like by trying to avoid or get rid Might be harmful in ways like maybe u might might have random feelings of guilt but not sure why well I don't know I think something's like these are beyond our control and focus on what you can control (U can control lots of things!) U can control events or how people feel but you can control how u take it in and it's good u have amazing ppl around u and I don't want to be all fake and be like it'll b ok I mean it will but idk like my head kinda foggy rn and im new here im sorry if this comment wasn't helpful alldkskdjdk but I wish u I just saw this post and got hooked bc of the title and it's relatable and im sorry I feel that way but like I said I don't really have an answer but I notice good things and how u improve and how aware u are its amazing and clear and im sorry about the memories when I get memories flashbacks etc I connect to bad things etc I just kinda act everything is fine even tho it's not bc I remember something awful.. What I do is just blog about it or do something else to get distracted . Idk I hope u feel better