Quote:
Originally Posted by barx
Stepson is 44 years old and you're getting guilted? That doesn't give me much hope that things will get better. At which point, given the stepson is 44 years old, does being a "good" dad stop and being a supportive husband begin? I imagine that if you ask any child, regardless of age, if their parent has or hasn't done enough for them in their life, I would guess most would find fault and insist on being the center of attention even at 44.
I would hear him out to see what he has to say and try to understand it the best I could. It may or may not have merit. Either way, discuss it and put it to rest then move on. Hopefully your stepson could move on too. If not, at this point, what good comes from your husband guilting you?
|
i am a very strong, articulate woman and we've had lots of counseling so i set boundaries w/hubby when he `attempts' to guilt me in changing my position..i think hubby feels sad and frustrated at my emotional strength and in his denial of the situation i honestly believe he believes that if i were to `forgive and forget' what step-son said, we'd be 1 happy family and hubby feels angry that he can't invite them as a family here to visit and he has to go into `their territory' to visit and i know he draws a lot from my strength. i do not hold grudges…i never think of step-son because of the terrible damage he has done to his dad by letting a new wife say what she said and step-son having the need to crush his dad. hubby is a wonderful, caring, loving soul and we have a very healthy strong marriage, but for this 1 situation and i was merely trying to point out to the originator of the 1st post that many 2nd marriages have step-child issues even when they are adults. i have no expectation that this will ever resolve, even with adult step-son visiting his dad who just had the heart surgery, but it should give my hubby a better understanding (i hope) that i at least extended the olive branch after almost 2 years. we step-moms have been given a bad wrap for a long time yet it's the failure of the dads/husbands to man=up and give the loyalty and support to their wives and accept that things are the way they are, rather than what they want/hope them to be. this is an ongoing push/pull with us because in actuality the adult step kids are living their lives, raising kids, and it's their spouse that needs the love and backing, not the lashing/punishing/guilting. it's just so darn complicated…..