There are other perspectives besides the identity approach you describe. There is in fact a lot to be said for these other perspectives as well, such as "opposites attract". I personally would find it a bit presumptuous of someone to tell me that their particular theory of relationhips shows that it would be best for me to dump my current significant other and pair up with her/him.

You've made your feelings clear to her. My suggestion now is to let her be; if/when she is ready to join you, she will let you know.