Hi ListeneroftheHeart. Welcome to Psych Central. I am so sorry for what you endured and experienced abuse. No one should have to go through it. But it sounds like you are a survivor and aiming to deal with it. But it is hard without a therapist and guide. Therapy is covered by most medical insurance, medicaid, and affordable care act insurance.

Psych Central has many more compassionate people than the world in general, or at least it seems that way to me. July many people are taking vacations so responses may be slower and less in quantity.

You really have some great questions that could be the basis of your wellness program. These are such deep questions and so personal that they are not things someone has the answer to. You have the answers within you.

I never felt loved until I started caring about others more or at least as much as myself. I bet there are others on the forum survivors of abuse or self esteem that are asking questions you could answer. It is surprising how much love I felt when I started trying to be there for other people. You can lose nothing by trying and you just may find that the love you are seeking is here all the while, hiding in the cries of a person looking for compassion and caring.

Glad you are joining us here. Some people find the forums give them the compassion and empathy they seek. http://forums.psychcentral.com

Please feel free to private message me or any of the Community Liaisons by left clicking on the name in blue to the left of their post) for questions or just to share.