I'm bringing this back up for an update, because I'm not dealing well with it, again.

Wednesday is his last court date, last chance to settle or have charges dismissed. Depending on what happens, a one-day jury trial is scheduled for July 23.

I thought, after the initial shock, that I had coped with this OK. I turn out to have been wrong. Every time I think about it, it literally takes my breath away and I have to remind myself to breathe in and out, and my stomach gets tied up in knots and then gets all topsy-turvy.

I mentioned it to T today and said I thought I might write a letter of support for him to the judge. She said that would be a good way to get called as a character witness and she didn't really think that was in my best interest.

I don't know what to do. I don't know how to handle this. It kills me that it's still going forward. I've sent him the occasional "thinking of you" card just to let him know I haven't forgotten him and support him, but at this point I seem to need the support more than he does. :-\

I have tried hard, every time I've thought about this, to focus on the good that he did me and so many other people. T was surprised I wasn't angry at him. I'm not -- shrinks are human too, and make mistakes and have lapses in judgment (some severe). but I'm so disappointed, if it's true, and I think about the complete destruction of his life, if it's true, and I'm devastated and panicky and can't breathe.



Candy