Quote:
Originally Posted by Underground
So lately I have been in a dark place. Anger had overcome me at times which in turn makes me act in ways that I should not be doing to my family. I don't know whats causing it either. Im extremely busy with work, it's my favorite time of year and yet I am having issues within myself. I have been drinking too much lately as well. My rage comes on at any time and is not caused only when drinking. I feel numb again when I see the ones close to me hurting. I have been better in the past, more able to recognize and feel. Now I feel nothing except emptiness and anger. I put shows on for work and then I am back to me at the end of the day. The real me is not a good thing for anyone. I even looked up therapists again today. Do I really want that though? It's so difficult to know I am not right and yet feel nothing. To know who I really am baffles my mind!!! This is my update for now.............
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I want to respond to this post as it is something I can relate to quite a lot right now.
I have also recently been in a "dark place" myself. My narcissistic rage lately has hit a peak of sorts and I am giving everyone that has slighted me a piece of my mind. I have knack for knowing how to hit someone "where they live" as it were, I have permanently destroyed a few friendships all within the course of six weeks and even I am astounded by this. I have always had the ability to really know how to pick at someone exactly where it will hurt them the most, I have noticed that is the case with every other Narcissist I've met. Do I think these people deserved what they got from me? Yes, I do. But still, usually my temper isn't quite so explosive as it has been in recent weeks.
That place of feeling nothing but emptiness and anger, I have been that way since May... I just didn't realize it, until this past week really.
Narcissist/NPD is just a label, try to remember that. It is not the only thing you are. You have many good qualities from just what little I've seen you write on here. You're not a bad person, just hurt and when you get set off like me it's that rage you end up feeling... to the point where it sinks into that "empty" feeling you described(the emotionally flattened state I've called it, I get like that if my rage goes on for too long... I can end up acting like more of a psychopath when I get into that state). I am in a similar place. As usual, you articulate yourself quite well.