I can completely relate to what you have wrote.
you are a great writer and i liked how you were able to put your feelings into words so well.
I am also in my 30s and have lived with trying to please and be accepted by my family to the point i studied what i didnt like..and followed every decision that was made on my behalf by my family. it has been 30 years of living someone elses life. i have not grown nor progressed. i am stuck somewhere and i can not get out of it. through therapy i have realized i dont owe anything to anyone. this has been a huge revelation to me and so much weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. i feel lighter but lonely with no purpose and direction. i am confused. i can not make a simple decision. i am married and i have chosen a husband who does exactly the same as my parents. very controling. and i did as he said when he said. the pattern continues. i am not sure if i can break free...if i can be strong enough...to live my true authentic self.
its a scary thought. who am i, really? what do i want? do i have anything to contribute?