Trigger for talking about H's terminal illness and impending death.

Therapy is different now. It's about waiting for my H to die, not knowing how to prepare for it. He seems to accept it but that seems weird. Today I reported to T what's been going on for 2 weeks, but I didn't feel anything. Her hair was in a pony tail and she looked kind of blah. I felt kind of blah too. She asked if I knew how to find information about our finances, which I'm trying to learn. There's so much practical stuff to deal with.

I'm seeing her next week. Idk. I feel sort of like I'm pushing her away when I need her now. I don't deal well with death. I don't want to face this intruder who has come into my life too soon. I've never lived alone. I don't think I'm facing the reality of losing my H soon. It's like Twilight Zone but I know it's for real.

My T emailed an article to me that she thought might help. She's reaching out to me but I feel like there's something between us. I'm in my own world right now but I know I want her support. I don't want it to be like when my Mom died, and I shut down.