Your anger is a part of dealing with this! A normal reaction, once again! It is not going to be easy to process through all of the emotions that are connected to this assault, but it IS going to be worth it because even though you get deeper into the pain, confusion, anger, shame, etc.- healing is on your path in this journey. Healing is not the end, either. You get to live a life where the trauma of this experience does not haunt you everyday. You can do that.

It sounds to me like you are cycling through feelings at a pretty fast rate right now. If you can, try to give yourself a break from these feelings by doing some sort of self care. Or maybe do some of your kickboxing routines to work out your anger.

You have every right to be angry. You've blamed yourself for long enough- for something that was NOT your fault in any way. Accept that anger, because stifling it will never make it go away. It will only rechannel and probably in destructive ways. Just focus it where it belongs- and do so safely.

((((safe hugs)))) if you want them. You are facing some very real challenges, I know. You can handle this, though. You can find healing. A song I really like that helps me when I feel like giving up and shoving the feelings down for good says "The only way out is through, the only way we'll get better. The only way out is through, ultimately."

Angela