I’m not sure if I’m being over sensitive so I’m putting it out there and asking what others think?

My sister and I both lived interstate until I moved recently. Whenever my sister visits, she stays with my mother and also has the free use of my mother’s car. At times my mother has accommodated my sister’s extended family who may be visiting at the same time or when they’ve travelled on their own. On occasions, my mother has also accommodated my sister’s friends.

Whenever I visited, I used to stay with my daughter who lives in the same state as my mother. However two years ago my daughter stopped talking to me due to mental health problems as well as a possible drug addiction. Prior to this, we used to have a really close relationship.

The past two years have been tough and my partner and I travelled frequently to visit to try and establish communication with my daughter without much success.

My mother, although aware of my daughter’s problems has never made the same offer of accommodation or use of her car to me. She knew advance dates of our arrival and that we were staying in a motel just 5 minutes’ drive away but never said a thing.

My mother was often too busy to see me if any other family members were visiting, including on one occasion her ex-daughter in law. I frequently changed my plans to fit in with hers. Sometimes she would even comment that we can always catch up next time.

It was quite expensive with airfares, accommodation and hire car costs so at the start of this year we moved nearby to be closer to my daughter. So far there hasn’t been much improvement with communication with my daughter.

With the move, I thought I may see more of my mother but whenever I’ve suggested anything she’s always declined even when she’s known I’ve been in her area. So at the risk of feeling any further rejection, I kept the visits for special occasions, like her birthday, Mother’s day, Easter etc.

Yesterday, my mother commented that she has seen very little of me since I’ve moved.

So I tried to discuss my feelings with her including my feelings of exclusion.

She got angry and denied anything. She said that the accommodation offer was always there and said I was over-reacting and just pitying myself. She said I was the one with the issues and then insinuated that maybe I was even the issue with my own daughter not talking to me!

I left feeling very upset and nothing resolved. Over the years, I’ve tried to shrug it off but underneath I just can’t help feeling so hurt by my mother’s actions and comments. I have other siblings but we are not a close family. There’s been very little support from anyone in my family when I’ve needed it.

I know my mother would not have treated my sister in the same way. Although there are no feelings of jealousy, I’ve always felt a little on the outer and that I am the least favourite. Most times when I see my mother, she has this habit of comparing me with others or if someone else is around she almost ignores me so then I leave with a deflated ego and feelings of why did I bother anyway?

Would like to get some feedback on what others think? Should I be feeling upset about how I’m treated or am I being overly sensitive and over-reacting?