I've been involved on and off with a gentleman for seven years. We were engaged for awhile. Recently I've finally figured out some of the reasons why he is such a yo yo with his emotions. He awoke from a nightmare and his words, him throwing the remote, him swinging and the terrible look on his face made me suspect what had happened. Several months later when he broke up with me for the 20 something time and he was seeing someone else, we finally started talking honestly, about what went wrong with our relationship. That is when I finally had the nerve to say I think you were abused weren't you? To my surprise he confirmed yes. He had been married over 20 years and said that his wife never figured out. I'm the only one that knows this. He has since broken up with this other person and we tried again. But today he broke up with me again. This time because I didn't want to have sex last night, because he wants to see me, but he doesn't want to date me. and I said I'd really like to date. He said I'm holding back on the sex thing to hold him hostage. If I give him sex he withdraws saying it doesn't feel right. If I don't he gets mad too. I love this man. When I finally figured out he had been molested, I finally understood his mood swings, his getting so close , and then running away so fast. I love him so much, but now he is treating me like I am terrible like I treated him with terrible disrespect because I said I wanted him to date me before we had sex. Some how I'm allowing him to make me feel guilty. I hate that.

I love him so much. But I didn't do anything wrong here. I don't think. Maybe according to him I did. But 4 days ago he wanted to cool it. Then Sunday, yeh yesterday he invited me out for lunch, get here asap. He won't get any counselling for this, he doesn't see the molestation as a problem. He said our personalities clash. Because I am holding my body for ransom. Can somone help me out here. One day he loves me the next day he is running away. I need someone that understands this issue. I want to stick by him, but he pushes me away every week or so. I feel like this time he is not going to let me back in.