Have you had any good men role models in your life? Even if you can find just one, focus on that person. There are so many good men out there, men that are smart, noble, trustworthy, kind, creative, admirable, big-hearted, appreciative, happy, innocent, etc. Countless men. This isn't necessarily a gender thing because I know more women in my life who are downright abusive. Matter of fact, I have more men in my life who are kind-hearted good souls. I guess I got unlucky when it comes to my female family members or friends or acquaintances. But still, like I said, this really isn't a gender specific thing. People are people, good and bad. They run the gamut.
It really depends if you have good men in your life or not. And if you do, don't lose them. Like your SO. Be good to him if he's good to you - because if you start taking out your anger on him, then you become the abusive one. Don't create that cycle. Don't let them do that to you. Rise above it. You have the power to not let those bad people around you anymore. They can't hurt you anymore. You deserve happiness. You deserve to move past this. You deserve to not have it impact your psyche anymore.