I think the feelings are real, but the intensity of them may be more related to the intensity of the trauma being worked through; when the intensity dies down because of time or a new person entering your life, it morphs into more of a normal feeling. In my experience, normal feels empty by comparison to the intensity of emotion around trauma. It takes getting used to. But it's a better and more secure feeling in the long run. Bottom line: the connection is real; the intensity comes from all the transferry/triggery stuff and is more transitory.