Thank you all for your advice. It's very hard to get into a therapist with my insurance around here, the wait time is almost 2 months. I had a psychiatrist but was very unhappy with her mostly because I don't think she was really up for treating someone with my diagnosis. I don't say that lightly, and I don't usually speak bad of people. I never started looking for a new one as my GP gives me my normal meds which seem to still be working ok and help a lot.
My grandmother has stabilized for now which is a wonderful thing. She won't be with us for a lot longer (they said a year) but we still have time with her which is wonderful.
Self-harm... I am not suicidal, I have chaotic, manic and withdrawn behavior when stress happens. I have worked so hard to build my life both material and the social bonds I have with people I fear I will lose that if I'm not careful and keep myself in check at all times.
I'm just glad I am able to see the behavior now, I used to be oblivious and that was much worse.
I really just needed to connect with people who understand and wouldn't judge me and so for that, I thank you so much. It sucks feeling alone all the time.