GUESS I HAVE TO LET IT ALL OUT. AND EVEN THEN DON'T KNOW IF I'LL FEEL BETTER OR WORSE. LOVE MY HUBBY AND KIDS JUST I M OT RIGHT WHEN WHERE APART. MY LIFE DEPENDS ON HIS MOOD AND HIS BEING THERE. I NEVER USED TO BE LIKE THAT. OK WHEN I WAS A TEEN AGER I WAS BOY CRAZZY. BUT THIS IS DEF LOVE. BUT I SWING WHEN HE'S GONE IT'S LIKE I LIVE ALL EMOTIONS WHEN HE'S GONE ALL BUT HAPPY MY HAPPINESS DEPENDS ON HIM THERE I FIGURED IT OUT. IT DEPENDS ON HIM!!!!!!! HOW SAD I LIVE LIKE THIS. I GUESS OVER THE YEARS MY SELF ESTEAM HAS REALLY GONE DOWN. DON'T GET ME WRONG I CAN STILL BE A ***** BUT BEING MYSELF IS HARD. DON'T NO WHAT OR WHO I AM ANY MORE? WORRY HE'LL STOPLOVING ME. WHAT WILL I DO THEN? MY BIGGEST FEAR. NOW IT'S DOWN ON PAPER. AND IT STILL FEELS HORRIBLE. WELL DON'T FEEL ANY BETTER HOPE YOU GUYS WRITE SOMETHING ,-ONYX