hmm.

my t seems disappointed that i won't get angry with him over seperation. he is like 'do you feel angry?' and i am like 'nope' and he is like 'not even just a little?' and i am like 'nope'. then he starts to go on about how ****** it is when people leave and i am like 'well consider things from their perspective...' and he cringes a little...

he looked at me a little strangely last time and said 'you have this amazing empathetic capacity. it is like you are always understanding things from others perspective. whenever i focus on things from your perspective you always respond by focusing in on theirs'. and i was like 'whats the point in getting angry about it?' and he was like 'i wonder if you have always been like that or if something happened...' i said 'i know that anger is supposed to function to facilitate assertiveness and standing up for yourself' and he was like 'never mind the *supposed* to'. impasse...

sigh.

not sure why he wants me to feel angry. seems that you are feeling it though. i guess my t would think that that is a good thing. i don't understand why :-( dunno. maybe it is about... if you express anger then you just push the person away. provoke them to repeat the abandonment. i guess that is how i feel about it. he keeps on about how it is okay for me to be mad with him. maybe i should say 'if you don't stop trying to make me feel pissed with you then i'm gonna feel really pissed with you!'. sigh. i don't know. whats it for? i don't know. to stop me curling up on myself and attempting to will myself out of existence? i don't know.

why is it good to be angry? i need to know what its supposed to do... i don't feel angry. hurt hurt i feel hurt. ow.

empathy is supposed to be a good thing - right? to understand things from anothers perspective. i think the problem is that... i lost myself. i lost myself. understanding from anothers perspective understanding things from theirs... how do i feel? i don't know. i lost myself. i don't know how i feel. hurt. ow. :-(