i guess there were moments in the past but the time that i really started was when i was kinda exiting an emotionally abusive relationship and it was so bad i don't think i've ever felt emotional pain quite like that and i took it out on myself because it all felt like my fault and in an odd way, i think it felt like cutting was a legitimate physical outlet for the emotional pain, like it seeped out with the blood. well i started to cut deeper and deeper and there were a few times i easily could have died and i'm 5 months clean and it's really ****ing hard to do. i regret having started and i still feel so self conscious because my scars are really noticeable and my girlfriend is so sweet and i don't think she has ever SIed and i am so scared that she will see my scars and think less of me. i have to live with reminders of my pain for the rest of my life.