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sister said:
and T looked at me and said, "What have we not covered here today?" I said, "I missed you."

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Beautiful. I love that.

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He started blabbing about object constancy and how it must have hurt when he was away and it was important for me to allow myself to feel the pain and that abandonment was abandonment and I just looked at him and said I didn't want to hear it. He asked what I wanted to hear and I said, "nothing, I just want you to shut up."

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Amazing. I love it. I love how you said he was blabbing... sometimes that's how it seems, LOL. Half the time when I'm mad, I can't even remember what my T said... something about anger... something, something... attachment... blah, blah, blah.... "I just want you to shut up." Good for you, saying what you feel. I would have said the same thing. Oh wait, I think I have.

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Remind me again why I am doing this?

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Because you are brave, intelligent, able to handle taking risks, and want to gain self-awareness. You realize that even though the work is hard, it is worth it.

Keep going, you are doing amazing.