hi guys. im 22 years old living in the Philippines. Iam a filipino citizen. Iam still at college and my life seems to get worse and worse. It started when we came back here in the Philippines, because my Dad was an OFW(Overseas Foreign Worker) he took me, my mom and little sister to Dubai. 2001 when we went back to the Philippines. I started college on that same year and my life here doesnt seem to get any better.

My first year as a college freshman didnt work out,during the third trimester I started not going to school. Just went out with my girlfriend because I wanted to talk to someone. Me and my parents dont have much communication, ever since I was a child they left me in the Philippines so I was closer to my aunts and uncles. When I was 2yrs old they always beat me up when I did something wrong.

All the trauma, the hurt still lives inside me. Thats one of the reasons I never became close to them. And now that I am an adult it got worse, my mom and little sister are the ones staying in our house.

We seldom talk, i have been to 3 colleges im taking up BSCS, and im still here. I feel so depressed, so lonely so afraid so lost. I dont have any friends, all i have is my girlfriend. They dont understand my emotions all they care for are the things we have around us.

Money, material things, but when it comes to the heart nothing. I drink alot now, smoke, I have a kid who is 2 years old already, I broke up with her mom because we had personal issues,it just wasnt working out. Ive been failing my grades for the past semester, my internet cafe business closed down 6 months ago it ran for 2years, i didnt go to school today, i cant find a way to escape everything, its like all my anxieties, problems have all come down on me. I have been absent at school for a month now, no one knows, im pretending im going to school but I just go to an internet cafe, or drink.

My parents think I'm a rebel, all i want is there understanding and compassion. They have been so tough on me, when I was growing up i felt so alone, unhappy and everytime I go to bed I have a hard time sleeping. I know the things I should do, focus on my studies, take care of my son and girlfriend, improve my lifestyle,stop smoking, fix my self in short. But my emotions get in the way, the stress, the hardship im going through now, the life ive messed up, its just too much.

I dont know what to do anymore, i feel so dry and low. No more peace of mind. THe only time I can relax is when I'm with my girlfriend because she understands me. Still I lie to her, pretending im at school. Its this feeling, is there something wrong with me?