Quote:
Originally Posted by Underground
Our darkness is what defines us all too often. Being broken is not easy on the mind. I have scared my kids to the point where they wont tell me if something happens with a teacher, kid or whatever as I handle these things differently than the "normal" parents. My anger causes me to explode in front of anyone anywhere. My wife is nervous many times as I will start issues in public if I catch someone looking at her in a way I do not like(come on just have respect). I even explode at people in front of my kids which I wish I could contain better. The thing is like fire inside of me, once it starts a switch changes over and I become a monster. I am however thankful for my wife as I either would of been in jail or dead if we didn't meet. This is were I understand Sam completely with his reference to each molecule being broken down when we feel attacked or disrespected. Atypical, I have left many friends behind. People like us get what we need not in friends but in our "dark" minds. As you age the tolerance gets worse and the people around become more fake. Friends are over rated anyway. I can have many friends if I needed I just don't have the patience it takes to further this cause. I prefer acquaintances anyhow!! Much easier to maintain(and still get what's needed)... New blood, New FUN!!! HA HA HA HA.. My ADD is shown here huh?? LOL
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You know what you are "really" talking about here? You "self sabatoge" because there is a part of you that takes on that role of the parental voice in your mind that needs to "take it away", and then you feel the anger.
Every person you leave behind "hurting" somehow is "you". It's a mirror Underground. And "everyone gets "help" but the Narcissist right? Thats how it was for you at one point, can't beat them so join them. Your rage and anger is how you "run". Yet what you often choose to do is "fight" instead of flight, same thing happens in the mind though, the chemical build up that is meant for "fight or flight", you learned to choose fight. That is what you were taught to do growing up though, not your fault.
A good therapist is not someone you can duel with, but someone who can help you figure out "why" you duel to begin with, it's a puzzle in you that needs solving, identifying, and using your intelligence to manipulate your own reactions into making better choices, something different that you don't have in your repertoire.
I am not tearing you down here Underground, just looking at the challenge itself. It's always a complex puzzle, thing is there is no such thing as a perfect person. I have my puzzle too, we all do, none of us have all the answers or understanding how to work through every challenge we are presented with either.